I generally try to document only the good, positive things in this blog, I talk about miracles and blessings, because that is what I want to remember and anyway, who wants to hear about the challenges when we can focus on miracles?
This blog post is going to be a little different than any I have ever written. Because to skim over the challenges of the past two weeks would be inauthentic, and it would also eliminate the many miracles and blessings that have come through the challenges.
It's been a hard couple of weeks for everyone across the globe. We are all mourning the loss of something. For some it is health, for some economic challenges, feelings of isolation, fear, loss of our former lives, mourning what used to be. I think the hardest for me are not the big things we have lost, but the little, everyday things that I didn't even realize were such blessings until they were gone. Hugging a missionary, being able to buy flour in the grocery store, gathering for a meeting, going to a restaurant, shaking hands. So. Many. Things.
We were at our mission office last night and I walked down the hall and saw the chapel doors were open. Our mission office is connected to a church building. For some reason the side lights were on in the chapel and there was a dim glow coming from inside. I had much to do, but I was drawn to the chapel, I needed to walk into that sacred room and sit for just a minute. My soul needed it. As I sat in that dimly lit room I couldn't help but think of all the 'normal' meetings we have had in that chapel, that I didn't appreciate near enough. In my minds eye I could see the room full of missionaries eager to learn. I remembered just a short month ago sitting on the stand during a sacrament meeting, looking out at families and couples and single people who had all gathered to partake of the sacrament and be edified by one another. And I longed for those days. I longed for that chapel to be full of good people who love Jesus and want to strengthen and support one another. I shed a few tears as I sat on that back bench and I vowed that when the day comes that I am in that chapel again, not alone, but with a room full of worshippers, I will never, ever take it for granted again.
I don't even know how to go about documenting the past few weeks. I have put it off, due to lack of time, and also because it feels a little like eating an elephant. I'm not sure where to start. Things have changed and evolved so quickly, and continue to do so. I decided to go day by day, so I never forget to appreciate the 'normal' and to remember how the Lord, and the prayers of so many have carried us.
Wednesday, March 11: After we dropped our missionaries off at the airport we got in the car and started getting calls and texts from Stake presidents wondering what we were going to do about the three Restoration Firesides we had planned for the next three Sundays leading up to General Conference, due to the news from the church. We hadn't heard anything and then found out that the public was now uninvited to General Conference in order to slow the spread of the Coronavirus that has now made it's way to the U.S. We know it has been here, but this brought it to a whole new level. Stake Conferences have also been cancelled until further notice. It was like a sucker punch hearing that news. Not only was I worried about the firesides that we felt so incredibly prompted to do, and guided along every step of the way, but I realized that meant we would have several Stake Conferences we were scheduled to attend cancelled. I was so looking forward to these Stake Conferences this half of the year because they will be our last. We love these members and have made many friends in each of the Stakes and I knew that as we went to each Stake Conference we would see many of them, possibly for the last time until we go home. It made me so sad to think about not seeing so many of these people that we love again.
The direction was no gatherings over 250 people and we had invited 4 Stakes to each fireside. We checked with our area president and he said we wouldn't have more people there than that so to go ahead with the meetings.
Here is the miracle from that day. Just prior to transfers we got word from our area presidency to give the missionaries extra money so they could buy a 2 week supply of food. We didn't want them to all have to transfer with two weeks worth of food storage, so we had planned to have them get their food once transfers were over. To be honest, when we got the directive, we thought it was a little drastic and we didn't want to cause panic in our missionaries so we thought waiting until after transfers was best. We had the financing in place, to give them extra money that day. We came home from the airport and sent an email to everyone telling them they had extra money on their support cards. I also gave them a list of food that would be good, non perishable and that they could have in case of an emergency. We told them to go that day, not to wait until p day, and to let us know when they had gotten their food supplies. They all went and got food that day. We were so grateful for priesthood leaders who saw ahead and knew to have them go when there was still plenty of food on the shelves and the panic hadn't set in yet, in California.
We didn't have much food in our house and so on Thursday we stopped by the store and picked up some staples. The store was stocked and maybe a little more crowded than normal but not bad. (We've never had our cupboards so full in all the time we've lived here.)
I had seen pictures and heard stories of bare shelves in Utah following President Nelson's announcement, but it didn't hit here until Friday when the stock market started to plunge. I hadn't gotten any flour the day before and realized I was running low so we stopped by on Friday to pick some up and the shelves were bare. They only had 4 2 lb bags of flour left. I have never seen such a tiny bag of flour. What can you even make with 2 lbs? I had to take a picture of it compared to a grapefruit. It made me laugh.
In one day, it happened here. I am so grateful we had our missionaries get food before that happened. Grateful for revelation and leaders who see ahead.
Thursday, March 12: We had our final transfer meeting and our new leader meeting at the Wissemann building. In the final transfer meeting were such good and consecrated missionaries. President blessed them and promised them miracles in their final transfer, which are happening, but just in ways not expected at the time.
During our new leader meeting I stepped out for a few minutes and heard that the Governor of Utah had called for a limit on large gatherings over 100. That was when things really started moving fast. Soon church was cancelled, large gatherings started being cancelled, and then we heard BYU was going to cancel their classes, and then they cancelled their graduation for April. It seemed like the domino effect. First General Conference attendance and Stake Conferences. Then one by one, the dominos fell, things like the NBA season, then the NCAA tournament, then college classes and graduations, then... then... then.... It was all happening so quickly it was hard to wrap my head around each new cancellation. I was heartbroken for our sons and our daughter in law, who have spent the past 4 or 5 years in school, only to have the culmination of those years, end suddenly and without any preparation time. One day they went to school, a normal day, and were told it would be their last. Normal days and routines now seemed like precious gems that were suddenly taken away. Our son Ethan was to graduate from BYU with his Master's in Accounting, our daughter in law, Camee with an interior design degree from LDSBC and Preston is graduating from BYU with his Batchelor's degree in the global supply chain program.
We were still wondering about our Firesides. The day before we had gotten permission to go ahead with members there. As things changed, we got permission to still hold it and have no members, just missionaries (the limit on large gatherings in California at the time was still nothing over 250) and we got permission to have it filmed.
Friday, March 13: We had interviews with the North Sacramento Zone. We were at this point realizing the importance of social distancing and we didn't hug or shake hands, but it still seemed kind of normal, except that it wasn't. My sister was supposed to come on Friday to spend the weekend here and to come to our first fireside, but ended up feeling like she shouldn't travel based on everything that was happening. We both felt like it was the right thing, but we were both still really sad about it.
Twice a year we schedule a time for each of our zones to attend the temple. This was the transfer that was going to happen. This is looked forward to by our missionaries. The Stockton Zone was actually in the temple when we got the word that temples would be closing to all but living ordinances. Another unbelievable domino had fallen.
We told the Stockton zone they needed to say a prayer of gratitude that they got to go to the temple, when none of the other zones were going to be able to go. It's a little bit of a blur, but I think this is also the same day we found out church was going to be cancelled and we were going to home church. Yet another domino. Our heads, like everyone else's were spinning trying to keep up with it all.
This is what we found out that day. Baptisms could still be held, but on a very small scale. We were encouraged to continue missionary work in a normal and natural way and to remain anxiously engaged in our missionary purpose, including baptizing converts. Converts would be confirmed at water's edge.
Even though church had been cancelled on the whole, our area presidency authorized the missionaries to get together as zones for Sunday worship services. They were to be under the direction of the zone leaders, who would get authority from the bishops' keys to administer the sacrament.
We also worked with some wonderful members in the Folsom Stake, where our fireside was going to be held, who were able to stream it over the church broadcast system so members, friends and families alike could watch it from their homes. It was all moving so fast, we could hardly believe what was happening. But they set up a link and I wish I had taken a screen shot of it. It was just like the General Conference link, with a countdown to the fireside. It was super legit and we both looked at each other and said "holy cow, what have we done?" It was getting much bigger than we had ever anticipated when the idea to have a fireside on the Restoration to prepare, and help our members prepare for General conference first came to us. We didn't know how many people would be able to watch, but we knew it would have the potential to reach more people than if we had gone ahead as originally planned.
Saturday, March 14: We got to attend one of 8 baptisms that took place in the mission. We were counseled to keep them to about 10-15 people. We felt blessed to be able to attend this one of this wonderful couple. It was very touching, and especially to be able to witness them receive the Holy Ghost immediately after the baptism.
Sunday, March 15: First day of Home Church. We decided to drive to Lodi to attend our first 'home' Sabbath worship service with the Lodi Zone. It made me cry when I walked in and saw them all sitting so reverently, with the sacrament prepared on the Relief Society table, and all of the chairs set up 6 feet apart. Social distancing was quickly becoming a part of our vocabulary.
Elder Jensen and Elder Houghton are the zone leaders in Lodi and they did a wonderful job arranging a very special and spiritual meeting. They even made programs so we would never forget that day, but even without the programs it is a morning that I will never forget. It was sacred to be there with those missionaries and knowing that missionaries in all of our 11 zones were gathering and doing the same thing. Partaking of the same sacrament and bearing testimony, studying Come Follow Me, and worshipping in a different, but significant way.
That evening was our first scheduled fireside. I need to give immense thanks to President Hodson who was more than supportive. To Jared Danielson who is first and foremost a dear, dear friend, and secondly, the high counselor in the Folsom Stake over missionary work, who helped orchestrate the streaming of this fireside. He set us up with Brother and Sister Brizee of our stake who are the technical specialists and it was way more professional than I ever dreamed. They started setting up mics and cameras 4 hours before the fireside. Brother David Tuck helped with the filming, as did our friend Patrick Twomey. We were well our of our element and a little nervous that it was getting bigger than we had ever planned.
The missionaries who were singing special musical numbers or speaking came at 5 to practice and for a mic check. (it sounds to official to say they had mic checks). The others started rolling in around 6:00. Scott was so vigilant that they were all spread out, not sitting too close to each other, and no one but our 60 missionaries and those mentioned were allowed in the building. We had checked before we left home and the large group gathering limit, though it was 100 in Utah, was still 250 in California so we were well under the limit, in either state.
Before we practiced, we were all pretty nervous, but we knelt in prayer in the chapel and asked for the spirit to be with us as we performed and spoke and asked for the ability to touch people's hearts. We had hoped for a chapel full of people, but we had faith that this was all working out according to God's plan. We knew He wanted this to go forward, everything from the first idea we had, to the musical numbers that came together, to the technology that just landed in our laps in order to do this, were too much of a sign to us that this was God's will and His work and we were blessed to be part of it.
We could see the writing on the wall and were pretty sure this would be the only fireside we would be able to do. So that day Scott hurried and sent the video link that Brother Brizee was going to stream over the church satellite broadcast system, to all of our 11 Stake Presidents to get it to their members to watch. We also allowed the missionaries to send the link to their families at home. We were heartbroken knowing that only a small portion of our missionaries would get a chance to participate, when all of them had been so excited and had diligently worked to memorize The Living Christ. Both Scott and I had the impression that morning to let all of our missionaries in other parts of the mission to watch it as well. We also had the impression that when we stood at the end to recite The Living Christ, we would invite ALL of our missionaries, and call them by zones, to stand with us wherever they were and recite it with us. It was a powerful moment to know that no matter where we were, each of our missionaries was standing with us, we were standing together, in testifying of our Savior, The Living Christ.
One Stake President later told Scott that they had invited the missionaries from their ward to their home to watch it with them. As he called their zone, these two faithful sisters stood in the family room of the Stake President's home and recited The Living Christ with their fellow missionaries on the screen. It was a very powerful moment for him, and I think for each missionary no matter where they were that evening.
It was everything we had hoped it would be. The spirit was so strong, it was a beautiful way to end a day that was full of the spirit. It is hard to describe the feeling we all had when it was over. It will be a moment I will never forget. The outpouring of the spirit was tangible. One sister told me she had prayed her whole mission to have a Pentecostal Outpouring of the Spirit. She felt this night was the answer to her prayers. We were so blessed to have had that experience. We definitely needed it for what was to come. We had no idea what was ahead of us. That spirit felt that night carried us for the days following. It was a testimony that the Lord is in charge and the restoration is ongoing and that God wants as many people as he can to hear the message.
After the fireside Brother Brizee told us we had over 3300 people log in to watch it. We figured even if everyone that watched only watched with 3 other people, that is around 10,000 people that saw it that night, let alone those who were able to watch it later. It is mind boggling to me. That is more than I ever would have even dreamed. As I told our missionaries, "I think small, but God thinks Big". We were so grateful we were able to slip this in before the door completely closed. After we got home from the fireside we saw the directive that the CDC was now recommending no group gatherings larger than 50. It was a miracle we were able to share the message we shared, right in the nick of time. Although I will say, the hardest thing about the whole fireside was not writing the script, finding the music or pulling it all together. It was the fact that I couldn't hug any of the sisters after the fireside, or shake any of the elder's hands. It was one of those little, taken for granted things that suddenly seemed very big.
The link to the fireside is in my bio on my instagram and my facebook profile for anyone interested in watching it.
It was so fun to see that our returned missionaries were watching and still invested and involved in our mission.
Monday, March 16: This was a day that will go down as one of the craziest. Well, we've had crazier since, but it was right up there. I won't go into all of the details, because honestly that day was kind of a blur. We probably got at least 10 emails from the church that day, in addition to people alerting us of news releases in the Salt Lake papers. Things were changing hourly and we didn't know quite how to process it all. Basically, the morning started out with a news release that Elders who had served for 21 months 'may' be released once they hit 21 months. We, and many missionaries and parents thought 'may' meant it was their choice, that it was up to them, that they could if they wanted to. We also got word that Senior couples could be released. We spent the day calling our senior couples and asking them to think and pray about whether they felt they needed to go home. We were going to meet with them or call them the next day to see what they thought.
Calls were going back and forth between us, Salt Lake, and other mission presidents who were trying to interpret what exactly that meant for us. At the same time we were trying to prepare for MLC which was the next day. During all of this, we got a knock on our door and I opened it to see our former Elder Kyle Ravston and his beautiful wife Meggie. They were a sight for sore eyes, just what the dr ordered, and any other phrase that means the were a very welcome and wonderful diversion.
However, while they were here visiting, Scott got a phone call, and another email. He came into the family room and looked like he had been kicked in the stomach. He told us the email he had just gotten clarified the news release and the word 'may'. What 'may' actually meant was not that they could, but that those who would hit 21 months on their missions before September 1 would be released on the transfer after their 21st month. We were sick. Kyle and Meggie left and we started looking at our list of missionaries. This was going to affect 11 of our amazing Elders. 7 of them were zone leaders, 3 were district leaders and 1 was an assistant we had in place to transition to the new mission president. I cried buckets of tears that night and we knew they were going to be as devastated as we were.
That morning we also were working to arrange travel for 2 of our missionaries who were scheduled to go home at the end of the transfer, but were from foreign countries whose borders were closing and flights to and from the US to their home countries were starting to dry up. Their parents were worried about getting them home, so we started the process of getting them out earlier than planned.
We also talked to our friend who is a mission president in San Jose, and they were about a week ahead of us with the spread of the coronavirus. They had been self isolating and sheltering in place for about a week. He gave us some documents and some suggestions they had implemented and we knew we had to get a plan in place for when, not if, it happened here. We knew we had to roll the plans out to our MLC the next day, and we also knew we had to tell our 11 missionaries their missions were going to be cut short. Scott asked them all to meet us at 9:00 at the church, before MLC. We were up until about 2 a.m. working on our shelter in place plans and the best way to present it to our MLC.
That morning we met with 11 faithful missionaries. Elders Barrows, Nevitt, Peterson, Passey, Everett, Mandisodza, Balser, Southam, Wells, Hart and Allred. President told them that he had done a lot of hard things in this life but this might have been one of the hardest conversations he had ever had to have. I started at the front of the room, but I started crying the minute I looked into their faces and I had to move to the back of the room before I completely lost it, which I did. As he told them their missions would be cut short, and the reality of what he was saying hit them, it was heartbreaking to watch 11 faithful, seasoned Elders start sobbing. We all wept. I thought I had cried all my tears the night before as we compiled the list, but this was heartbreaking. Scott told them they would always be referred to by us as the faithful 11 and he told them to let the 21 months they did serve define them, not the 3 months that their missions were cut short. He gave them time to ask any questions, we knelt in a very emotional prayer, there were hugs all around, (coronavirus and missionary handbook aside) and then they were excused to call their parents and tell them the news. Then it was time for MLC.
We had moved MLC from our home to the Deseret building, where we could spread out, and social distance. We knew this would most likely be the last meeting we would hold in quite some time, and we were as cautious as we could be. And it was emotional looking into these faithful faces, knowing it might be our last.
President opened the meeting with some announcements and opening thoughts, and told the MLC about the Elders who had just been told their missions were cut short. Elder Barr and Elder Balser did a training on working with members. After lunch President and I did a training on Keeping Calm and Carrying On. He took the keep calm part, talking about controlling the things you can control and what that was looking like going forward in our mission. I talked about scriptural and modern examples of saints who carried on in difficult circumstances and the blessings that came about because they had faith to carry on. We then went over the 4 phases we could put in place as the coronavirus worsened and a new missionary schedule in case we needed to be quarantined or self isolated in our apartments. We talked about ways to keep the work going in the unlikely event that we couldn't go out and work anymore. We decided to implement phase 1 immediately, which was just modified behavior. We wouldn't knock doors anymore, along with several other modifications that didn't include self isolation yet.
I think everyone went away feeling hopeful that if it came to that, we were prepared and hopeful and would move forward with faith. We were confident that we had tools to continue to help us fulfill our missionary purpose, should they be needed.
After the meeting we met or talked with all of our senior couples and they all expressed a deep desire to stay and continue on their missions. I was so touched by their consecration and desire to continue to serve. And very grateful we would still have our senior support system to buoy us up and to buoy up the young missionaries whom they love.
As we were pulling in the driveway that evening, after a long and emotional day (not the last one of those we would have), we got word that the mayor of Sacramento had issued a shelter in place order, and just like that, we moved from phase 1 of our plan: modified behavior, to phase 2: restricted behavior, better known as self isolation. And our world all of the sudden changed once again.
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